THE COOLEST CAT IN CAT TOWN

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davidbyrne:

i love laughing about the friend zone because it’s so dumb like you know most of those dudes aren’t even IN the “friend zone” they’re in the “ugh god not this dude again” zone

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  • Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • Dad: Hey are you awake? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • Dad: Fuck the government.
  • Dad: Fuck the school board.
  • Dad: Close the door.
  • Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • Dad: I love puns.
  • Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • Dad: Please shut up.
  • Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
  • Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  • Dad: I hate homework.
  • Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  • Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

dacookiesrmine:

sparklywizard-in-a-box:

sovereigncephalopod:

misha-let-me-touch-your-assbutt:

dinosaurs-daleks-and-detectives:

I love how tumblr is so hell bent on their being a Marauders movie they will probably end up making it themselves

wow this is scarily well done

BEST ONE BEST ONE BEST ONE

YOUNG SNAPE THO

(Source: bowberry)

thekingofsarcasrn:

fandom-lair:

wedrinkmoriartea:

simonjadis:

callmeoutis:

secretlifeofageekygirl:

The amount of notes concerns me

i’m more concerned about the fact that this orange is still on the loose he could kill again at any time

the newspapers give this notorious killer a nickname
much to the dismay of the lead detective


BLOOD ORANGE OH MY GOD I’M CRYING

i cRY THIS IS AMAZING

HE DIDNT EVEN DELIVER THE PUNCHLINE AND ITS THE GREATEST PUN IVE EVER SEEN

thekingofsarcasrn:

fandom-lair:

wedrinkmoriartea:

simonjadis:

callmeoutis:

secretlifeofageekygirl:

The amount of notes concerns me

i’m more concerned about the fact that this orange is still on the loose he could kill again at any time

the newspapers give this notorious killer a nickname

much to the dismay of the lead detective

BLOOD ORANGE OH MY GOD I’M CRYING

i cRY THIS IS AMAZING

HE DIDNT EVEN DELIVER THE PUNCHLINE AND ITS THE GREATEST PUN IVE EVER SEEN

(Source: loadedsword)

niknak79:

Best charity idea ever. One dollar per duct tape piece. (He’s the Principal)

niknak79:

Best charity idea ever. One dollar per duct tape piece. (He’s the Principal)

cradily:

did somebody say

cute boys

image

(Source: condom)

(Source: sirartwork)

slimedeath:

girijasu:

slimedeath:

demiflower:

being a cishet looks boring why do people do that

Idk maybe bc sexuality/gender isnt based on how cool or interesting an individual wants to look

yeah but why be boring when u can be awesome and not cishet

yeah but why treat lgbt+ identities like some trendy fashion accessory that ppl can just slap on to look cool when u could not act like a complete idiot

(Source: demiflower-remade43234)

ifuckedyourbiaslastnight:

endlessfinchel:

youremykryptoniteexo:

harryfitlinson:

raindropsonkissinglips:

THANK YOU.

THIS NEEDS TO BE ON MY BLOG SORRY

Kingsley does it better than everyone.

those are Monchele haters.

Kingsley speaks the motherfucking truth.

karlimeaghan:

Doctor Who Tumblr Style: "The End of Time" 1 | 2 (inspired by this x & x)

thotbaby:

*selfie doesn’t get reblogged*
me: im taking a break from tumblr guys!! this website is toxic and bringing me down, i don’t know if I’ll be back but i love all of you :)

rustybuttholes:

kaalashnikov:

luxuryofconviction:

luginub:

I just heard a girl outside yell “PARKOUR” really loudly immediately followed by a dull thud on the ground and a softer “ugh” and I’m laughing really hard

tragically beautiful.

do you live in Toronto because this might have been me about 2 hours ago jumping down from a fence dressed as Bro Strider

image

(Source: vasuki)

theminttu:

Sometimes there are no words

ikusaba:

supersmashkev:

this is on a level that i cannot reach

this is teen nick sitcom level

(Source: ridge)